Tuesday, July 31, 2007

i'll have the california holiday please

dear whomever's listening (or in this case reading),
i originally signed on in california thinking that this gig would be 13 weeks. 13 weeks has turned into 37. i, just today, agreed to extend my contract thru the holidays. i will still be working 3p-3a in a relatively small ER and making some good money. i am hoping that i will grow some balls and get over my fear of working in bigger facilites on my days off. well, part of me is scared; the other part's just plain lazy. i know that i could make some serious cash if i'd only dedicate the time but 3 12 hour shifts of on-your-feet-non-stop-action gets old fast. and i have really started to enjoy working out, laying out and reading books.
so, i can't say i'm sad about staying. i will be able to go snowboarding a couple of times and that's exciting. i also already know the system and these people so the fear of starting over isn't there. the hard part is being away from my family for another christmas and birthday, but i know i can always fly home.
there it is, my decision. i hope it is the right one.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

benadryl and sleeping patterns

i've been having trouble lately sleeping...well sleeping at the correct times. i am not having a problem falling asleep, say, after breakfast when i get tired again. i know why i'm not tired until 4am and that's because #1 that's the time i go to bed when i actually work and #2 i take so many naps during the day that although i woke up at nine am it has pushed my midnight bedtime back a bit.
so i've found that on nights when i actually need to go to bed at a decent hour (because my mean boss decided to schedule me on the day shift twice this week, um, hello 6:30am?!) i can use benadryl as a sleep aid. so last night after dinner i took just enough to get me to bed, then i read a little. come 9pm i was already falling asleep on the couch while i was trying to read so i washed up and went to bed. here's the rest of the night:
11:15pm-my phone rings, a 512 number? i have uncle b's number in my phone and it's obviously not him. plus it's already 1:15am in texas (with the time change) so i'm sure it's just a drunk saturday night call. ignore, back to bed.
1am-wide awake and now i'm not sleepy anymore. i want to check my myspace, eat breakfast, and play. why is it that on normal days i don't wake up this alert? but it's not time to get up. should i take more benadryl? no, because i have to be up by 5am and what if it's not out of my system and i'm having to get ready while half asleep? ugh! stupid benadryl!
1:30 after my granola bar and some water (and checking myspace) i decide to lay back down.
2am- still awake, toss turn toss turn.
2:15-toss turn toss turn and really agitated.
i don't remember falling asleep but at 4:30 i wake up. good, i think, at least i slept a little. back to bed for 30 minutes.
5am-my alarm is going off, but now i don't want to wake up.
and now it's 5:45 and i've already eaten breakfast, checked myspace, am ready for work and i still have 15 minutes...so i blog. i blog about my horrible night and the worst part is i have to do this again monday night. :*(
maybe on monday i'll take just a little more benadryl.

Friday, July 27, 2007

getting my nurse on in california

when i lived in Texas all i could dream about was travel nursing. the idea of living in a new place every 13 weeks was exciting and seemed like the sex-and-the-city-type-of-grown-up-independence i was looking for. all i could think about was living somewhere without my family or friends to criticize my every action, or lack thereof. after all i was 25 with no children (and in corpus christi, tx that's almost a miracle) and single (with no prospects in site) so why not travel? i was ambitious and ready for a change and luckily my family (well, almost everyone) understood.
fast forward 8 months and here i am 1400 miles away from home in sunny california. am i enjoying it? yes, to a certain extent. i miss my family, as i knew i would, but i didn't realize how much they were (are) a part of my life. if he heard me say this, my uncle bill, he would laugh and say "i told you so" or something equally as crass since he told me i wouldn't last. and although i'm not ready to give up i feel a huge part of me is wishing i were in texas, with the friends and family i ran from in search of greener pastures. i'm not sure what i'll do next or if i'll give up and decide to stay in cali a little longer. i am impulsive but indecisive, therefore i'm always changing my mind but hardly ever acting on it. there is no telling where the wind (or my crazy mind) will take me next.
the thing with travel nursing is (get ready for my diatribe on nurses) we are paid more, have paid housing and utilities are fiercely independent, outgoing and headstrong. this annoys other nurses and i can see why. but i'm not out for your job, or YOUR house, or anything you have, i just want to simply see different places and make money in the process. but these people in turn (since they, i'm assuming, are jealous) are rude and spiteful and i have become bitter by their un-acceptance and lack of friendliness. or maybe that attitude is just held by californians (specifically the OC snobs).
there is someone though, or the possibility of someone. and i'd like to think eventually if he grew on me, so would california. but i just don't know.