Wednesday, March 26, 2008

tornado valley

the first images that were returned on google for my next assignment in middle of nowhere, nebraska were impressive. pretty green fields, quaint farmhouses and small town churches wowed me. then came the other photos... mainly photos of tornados.
um.... yeah.

i am all for going new places and experiencing new things. i am looking forward to living in a really small town and working in a small hospital. i'm sure i'll learn a lot about working with one other nurse and a doctor and am hoping i don't hate it.
i'm excited about the drive and, this time, am going to pack light. seriously. i am leaving on the 5th, maybe the 4th.
here's to making money so i can pay off all my bills. and then maybe going to california for 3 months so i can play again. hehehe.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

a sad easter

sometimes i think that ER nursing has gotten the best of me; that i have become worn and lost my patience with people who really need help. a month or so ago i had a patient die and she had just had a baby and for some reason it didn't even faze me.
tonight i proved myself wrong as i walked away crying from a family member.
she was young, older than me, in her early thirties and pregnant. not quite ready to deliver, she was shy of her due date by a couple of weeks. she told her boyfriend she had a headache, took some tylenol and then went to lie down. they laughed before she fell asleep, about what i don't know. he made a big deal about it, "i was just laughing with her earlier", it was all he kept saying. the truth is that may be the last time he sees that smile of hers. she didn't really wake up from her nap, she woke up but something was wrong. she wasn't acting right, looking around and not speaking.
they will probably do a c-section today to save the baby. she has a massive bleed in her brain which is unoperable and she may not survive. when her parents and sister showed up i could only stay in the room for minutes at a time, they didn't know how bad it was and i could only tell them so much. but what i refused to say, what i couldn't say, was that she probably wouldn't live. it would have killed them all.
i hope i'm wrong and that she miraculously pulls through. it would be nice if she could raise her daughter with her boyfriend, but i don't think she will. and the thought of that family spending their whole day in an ICU waiting room filled with strangers, knowing their daughter may not live to see her daughter kills me.
it goes to prove that our bodies are fragile and life is not guaranteed.
to my family and friends, I love you very much and hope you have a very Happy Easter. i am hoping tonight i won't have such sad stories to re-tell.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

the rainbow

i've been thinking a lot lately about who i am and where i've been. the whole funk about the almost-relationship has passed and i'm not nearly as lame as i was. a couple of days i spent catching up with my mom's best friend, aka my aunt, and bummed a couple of meals and a couple of movies off of her. i stayed the night in a house that i have considered my home for a long time, felt comforted in the fact that things could have been way worse. recently i spent a weekend (more like a week) enjoying the company of my family and friends in corpus and enjoyed every minute.
and i don't know yet where i'm going next, i almost could care less about the location. i'm concerned about money right now. i want to pay off my debt, get it out of the way. be able to work and know that at any moment i have enough money to go on vacation or take a plane ride somewhere if need be. buy a condo or townhome and a dog, i'm ready for it. i want to call texas home, go to work at a surgery center and go back to school. it's decided, but i can't yet. i'm not quite there, but i'm determined to be.
mark my words: debt paid off by september. it's going to happen. and i can't wait to finally settle somewhere.