Monday, June 30, 2008

life is short, live big

i wrote this when my internet was on the fritz a couple of weeks ago. it turns out the lady was a con artist looking to scam money off the trusting and giving people of our hospital. it doesn't change the message though, read on.
June 5, 2008
A lady I work with told me last night that she has cancer; Colo-rectal cancer that has metastasized to her liver, ovaries and now possibly bone. She says the prognosis is bad, 6 months to a year at the most. She will leave behind a husband who has parkinsons and severe asthma and no medical insurance and their 18year old daughter. She is working on her list of things to do before she dies, on it so far is taking up smoking, which she’s done and cutting and dying her hair. Another lady at work said her grandfather, after being diagnosed with terminal cancer, decided he’d always wanted a dodge ram pickup and went out and bought one that same day.
Does it make anyone other than me sad that people need to hear that they are going to die before they really start to live? Why do we feel we need to get permission? You are going to die. There, it’s said….now live your life. Don’t wait until someone tells you, because you may not get the warning. I challenge you to make your bucket list today and start doing everything that’s on it that you possibly can. Life is far too short and way to beautiful to not take advantage of the “now”. You only get one life. One chance. Don’t waste it.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

to vacay and back

it went by too fast, the time away from nebraska, the time with my family. as always the day comes when reality hits and my flight seems all too close to departure and i am wishing for more time. i am greedy now, with my time. i don't know what i enjoyed more, the sights of new york or the time with my mom and uncle, when every small joke is something to laugh at, the happy go lucky's, that's us. that will be a hard vacation to top.
my internet was down for a week or so before i left and i was having blogging withdraws, so i would come home, type and save...ready for the day my internet was working properly.
here's one from two weeks ago.
At 3am my fingers become tiny icicles. When the people in the outside world decide they’d rather sleep than annoy ER nurses and our patient load comes to a screeching halt, I start to freeze over. Lack of movement, lack of sleep, bad circulation…a problem I’ve decided isn’t a result of one but many things and this annoys me. Not the lack of patients or the lack of movement, I’m content just sitting around reading but I’m annoyed with the freezing fingers. Inevitably someone comes in, my fingers find their way to the patient’s unsuspecting skin and a comment is made, “my! your hands are so cold” or “DO YOU HAVE TO TOUCH ME WITH THOSE ICEY FINGERS?!?!”…it’s one or the other, but it’s always something. I have decided to carry gloves around with me, at work anyways. It could be 80 degrees out and I’m the nurse on the inside with the thermal shirt under her scrubs, the hoodie over them and the gloves covering her hands. You think she’s crazy, she thinks she’s smart, both of you are part right.
I bought speakers for my IPOD which I took to work to listen to during these times of utmost boredom. Today I sang “how deep is your love” at least 20 times. The song, remade by The Bird and The Bee is on the SATC soundtrack and I’ve made everyone at work listen to the whole album numerous times. I sang it without realizing how incredibly beautiful the lyrics are,
“I know your eyes in the morning sun
I feel you touch me in the pouring rain
And the moment that you wander far from me
I wanna feel you in my arms again

And you come to me on a summer breeze
Keep me warm in your love and then softly leave
And its me you need to show

How deep is your love
I really need to learn
cause were living in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me

I believe in you
You know the door to my very soul
You’re the light in my deepest darkest hour
You’re my savior when I fall
And you may not think
I care for you
When you know down inside
That I really do
And its me you need to show”
I should be asleep right now instead of copying and pasting lyrics onto my blogspot. I needed you to know that my love is deep. And my fingers….well they’re still icy cold.

Sunday, June 1, 2008


eight weeks has passed and i am still in nebraska. still.... well, i don't mean to sound bummed about it, although a small part of me is. all the things that i didn't like about this place have grown on me, its size, the weather, the non-existent cute boy problem, the lack of a nice shopping area. it's warmer now, a nice change from the cold, dreariness that it has been, however, now there are tornadoes that have come in to the mix. no bueno. still, i find myself wishing i were somewhere else, somewhere new, the eight week itch has hit and i'm daydreaming myself other places. i'm going on vacay soon to NYC and that will be a nice change, one extreme to the other.
also, i watched sex and the city yesterday and was blown away with how much the characters in the movie have grown. it really reminds me of the journey i've taken thus far, how i wanted to do something for me, to live wherever the wind blew me because i could. now i just want a place to call home, somewhere near a whole foods. i want to have furniture from ikea and a porch where i can drink red wine and listen to madeleine peyroux. i want to have friends over and make them dinner and play pictionary and scrabble...because i've evolved. not that i wasn't this person before, but i'm more this person now than i was before i left corpus. i have grown into a woman and it's somewhat scary, i'll be 28 in 6 months. i'll have my 10 year high school reunion next year, i just can't believe how quickly time has passed.
i have 8 weeks left in nebraska, i'm back at square one. but it will go by faster than the first time and i will be back in texas before we know it.