i'm still alive: part 2

it has been too long since i've let you into my world, and for that i'm sorry. i've been busy working (i really despise 5 shifts in a row-more than that is ridiculous) and keeping up with eating right, exercising and fueling my reading habit that i've had little time for much else.
life is the same here, i'm saving up money, working with people who want to gossip and gripe about the littlest things. as i see it, this is temporary and at the end of my two more months here i go home. i find very little need to become upset about things out of my control. that's the way i am, complacent. i am satisfied with where i am, with what i'm doing that unless there is a threat involving me directly, i'm happily unaware of what's going on. let them gossip. let them be upset about scheduling, i'll work with it, it's only 2 months.
i'm going on vacation to new york in june and am looking forward to spending some time in the big city, in a regular hotel. i will take lots of pictures this time because i'm skinnier than the last time i went. well, i'm trying to lose another 10lbs but we'll see, so far every time chocolate is in my face i go a little overboard.
and i guess the biggest thing is, living in a small city makes you really appreciate smaller, big cities. lincoln and corpus are comparable in size and i have learned that i don't need a million options. a million options drives me crazy and i become overwhelmed. so i'm really looking forward to going back for a couple of months. and then from there, who knows. i'd love to say i want an apartment in austin, i want to go back to school. i want to take a class on history and one on art. i want to minor in english so i can hone my writing technique. yes, eventually i'd like to write a book.
i'd love to continue to travel, i want more than anything for 3 more months in california but i should leave well enough alone. i did it, i enjoyed it, move on. what if i go back only to find it's nothing of what i remembered and be disappointed? no, i'd rather not.
let's stay on track stephanie. corpus, austin, school. this is the way it will be....i'm hoping.

i'm still alive

i know it's been awhile but just so you know, i'm still alive.
it's tornado season here in the midwest, the warning and watches are daily now from thunder storms to you guessed it...tornadoes. i'm not enjoying it, everyday i wake up and look at the sky. i've been told it will be a shade of green/yellow i will never forget.
change subject.
work is getting busier. the crazy weather is freaking people out and they are showing up with all sorts of serious complaints from respiratory to cardiac to plain, old non-urgent stuff. it's fun when the hospital is busy for a change, it makes the time go by much faster than one patient for twelve hours. i mean, reading is fun and i love that this job has allowed me to read more, but jeez. unless i've got a book that is mesmerizing, i end up staring at the other nurses for 12 hours and that gets old fast.
change subject.
i went home to corpus for a weekend to celebrate my best friends birthday. it was nice to be there for a couple of days, the weather was hot and humid but a welcomed change from the dreary wet, cold that has been the norm in nebraska (aka ne-brisk-a).
change subject.
i'm tired. i just finished working 5 shifts. before that i was in corpus. before that i was working 4 shifts (maybe 5, i can't even remember). i need a break.
i will write more when i have rested. i just wanted to let you know i'm still here.

the good nights

these are my favorite, the nights that end in a glass of red, a good book and madeleine peyroux's voice filling the air. the nights when i'm most at ease, when i can exhale and be happy with the decisions i've made thus far.
my extension in beatrice has left me giddy at the thought of saving a little more, and the possibility of going home after this. and by home, i mean, corpus. i would like to be able to spend the last month before my sister's wedding planning and helping out, i would like to make something divine for thanksgiving dinner and not have to work at all that weekend, doing crafts with my mom and cousin, watching movies with my sister and listening to family talk. i miss our conversations. the one's about absolutely nothing and everything that leave my cheeks hurting from smiling so wide. i would like to enjoy the holidays off for once, spending the times admiring my family, who i feel i have taken for granted. traveling has been fun and quite an experience and although a part of me wants to move back to california for a little while, i think it's best if i settle down. i can vacation those places, right? all i wanted to say was that i traveled, i saw california, arizona and nebraska. and i did. i was afraid but i didn't let fear overcome me.
i am proud of all that i have done, what i have accomplished and where i have gone in the process. my goal was to pay off my bills and i'm working hard at getting that done. i will move back to corpus at the end of this contract, stay in my friend chris' apartment on the island and work when i want to to pay for my car and other expenses. maybe some weekends i'll go to the valley and work to make a little extra money (thanks Mom for the idea) and we'll see where i go from there. maybe i'll be a travel nurse but strictly for texas.
i am excited. i am ready. and most of all i can't wait to go home.

a reason for everything

so the irvine gig didn't pan out the way i'd hoped. it didn't pan out at all actually. i'm sort of bummed and sort of relieved. they wanted me to do 6 months there and i was almost sad about it. do you believe that everything happens for a reason? that someone has a plan for us beyond our knowledge? well, i'm grateful it didn't work out. i know there is something better planned for me.
better as in, probably staying in nebraska...making the big bucks. :) saving a little more, paying off a few more bills.
on a side note, while i was working out yesterday a man hit my car while it was parked in the gym lot. i watched the whole incidence from atop the treadmill, terrified of what i'd actually witnessed. i watched as he got out and surveyed the damage, still unsure if he'd actually hit it and damaged it or just scraped it.
this is where people differ from me.
i walked out almost upset that he'd gone to drive off, he stated he needed to drive around to "cool off" but i know had i not walked out he wouldn't have come back; maybe he was hoping no one noticed. all i saw was his beat up pick up, his blue collar look, i saw his hands were shaking and i could hear in his quivering voice that he felt bad. he asked if i wanted to "swap information" and for a little while i went back and forth on the matter. the damage isn't bad, a scratch that saturn can probably buff out. in my opinion it's just a car and things could have been worse.
i called the gym after leaving, and since everyone knows everyone in this tiny town i told the gym owner to go find "steve" and tell him i wasn't reporting it after all.
call me crazy or dumb, i really don't care. i can afford to get it fixed myself. steve probably only had liability on his old, beat up truck. he looked like he could barely afford the lifestyle he was living. so i let it go.
i firmly believe in karma, do something good to someone and eventually it will come back around.
yesterday wasn't a good day. i'm hoping today is a little better.

does this upset you?

remember when i hated california? and when i was there, how all i wanted was to be back in texas? yeah, i know, me too.
it's funny how life turns around the way it does. because right before i left i made a strong connection with Julia, my favorite claremont/st. joseph's nurse. and well, it was different then.
now, or at least by the time i go back (wait for it) i will only be paying on my car and my student loan. i will have money to do things, vacation, save, whatever... it will be easier. it was different when all my paycheck was spoken for and i couldn't enjoy it. i will enjoy it this time.
does it seem impersonal to you if i inform everyone all at one time? that i don't email or mail certain individuals first hand to let them know (like mom and crys who know my every move before it's made) before others?
i called my recruiter with access and asked if there were any positions available in irvine, ca (where i was from april-december) and she said they'd love to have me back.
the small details are being worked out, dates to start, pay, location of apartment, et cetera.
it will no doubt be different this time. i already know the hospital, the location, the people. i know what to expect and what not to expect and i'm prepared. it's not final yet so don't start freaking out or planning your vacations. give me time to get it all situated and i will give you all the little details.
but this time...i'm excited. very excited.

all of a sudden

how is it that a girl dependent on diet coke, unable to make any type of food, who spends most of her money at the mall can change all at once? i tell you this...it's possible.
i've finally given up diet coke (i know, can you believe it?) and i've started taking a mutli vitamin. i am exercising daily or every other day including my new balanced eating plan. it's not a diet really, more like every meal includes whole grains, a veggie and some sort of protein. usually the snacks are fruit and dairy (the greek blueberry yogurt by oikos is now my fav!!) and i've started drinking tea with milk and honey. what's up with that? not to mention my savings account has more money than i've ever seen in it (of course, don't be impressed...i usually don't have much) but i'm getting there. AND my favorite part is...even though i don't have anywhere to make food i made hummus.
ok, don't laugh, i know hummus is merely mashed chickpeas and garlic, but hey...i'm becoming more creative. i would love to say i'm making more and soon i will, but there's only so much you can make in a microwave. i brought the george foreman but i feel a little guilty about bringing an appliance that's not approved to be in the hotel. not because it's not supposed to be here but because i'm super clumsy and could see the smoke alarm going off while using it, in turn having to explain why i was trying to make chicken and cheese quesadillas in it.
i have one month left here and i'm tempted to stay but i seriously can't survive in this hotel room. i need a stove. and a sink to wash dishes that isn't also where i do my hair (because i accidentally knocked over a glass soaking a spoon covered in peanut butter-organic- and it was all over my scrubs) and i also need a bigger trash can.
and although once june comes it will be warmer here, i need the ocean...again. so i called my recruiter and asked if irvine regional had anything posted, i may also look into northern cali (particularly in monterey) and we'll see.
one last thing...i'm a mommy now. yes, her name is blondie and she is everything i'd imagined she would be. i'm still learning about here and it's very difficult but i know eventually i'll get the hang of her.

the good life

when i arrived in nebraska i was expecting flat land. i expected a small town with no mall or personality and figured i'd be doomed for 8 weeks. what i got was a glorified motel room with a tiny fridge and one sink (where i do my make up AND wash my dishes). the room faces the main road thru town and i figured most nights i'd hear nothing but traffic.
i have one word to describe it all, my thoughts and ideas about this city and state: misconceptions.
i was wrong.
i am truly blessed to be here, my first assignment where i'm doing something right. i came with the intention to pay off my credit cards, become a grown up and learn to appreciate money. i made sacrifices and hoped that i was doing the right thing in coming here and THAT has been the only thing i've been right about.
i work in a small ER, smaller than any i've ever worked at and i get paid more than i ever have to sit and read or watch tv for the majority of the night. the people i work with are kind and it seems that all they do is want to take care of me, their kid sister or adopted daughter. i'm the youngest in the ER but i've made an impression on them with my sense of maturity.
and let me tell you about this city. yes it's small and the mall here is depressing, but it has everything i need for survival. i have a hotel with free cable and free internet. i have a gym and a place to buy groceries that's clean and not crawling with nasty people (this wal-mart is nicer than many i've shopped in). and the big city that has a mall is no more than 30 minutes away and the drive is spectacular. and flat land?! ha! southeastern nebraska has rolling green hills for miles that are beautiful beyond belief.
i don't have much longer it seems before this will be over and then what, i have yet to find out.
here's is a picture of me and the guys from work enjoying a margarita at playa azul, our one mexican restaurant. it was an enjoyable dinner.

the high five dilemma

there are two types of people: those who high five and those who don't. i am the former and not all too happy about it.
sometimes people at work or out in the everyday world say menial things, sometimes not even requiring an enthusiastic response, and i find myself raising my hand to high five, immediately ashamed that i have done so. even when it could be validated as acceptable and i raise my hand, i blush with embarrassment. is the high five so 1990's? i mean, that's when i remember it was really cool and appropriate at times, but now? in the 2000's is it still? i can usually tell by the response (usually facial reaction) of the person opposite my high five request if it's a little too cheesy.
well, i am also the type of person who laughs at their own jokes. who finds little things funny and will laugh a little too loud. and sometimes i snort when i laugh really hard.
what can i say? does that make me a little nerdy?
yes.
it's snowing here in nebraska. i keep checking my window to see if it's piling up on the ground outside but still nothing yet. it has been snowing intermittently all day and the first time i realized that what was falling was snow i almost cried. this world is very different, people are different. things are much simpler here and i'm enjoying the change in pace. i am the youngest nurse in the ER, the others ranging from mid 30's to late 60's and they're all sweet. and they don't mind when i want to high five. ;)

a blog for goodbye

here we go again, boxes packed, gas tank full, apartment empty but filled with memories. all the things i go through everytime the assignment's over, the goodbyes and hugs and tears. i will be back, it's a promise, maybe not right after this next assignment (wouldn't california in the summer be divine?) but in september for sure. houston or austin.
there are so many things about this city i'll miss. lately i've become addicted to running around rice, the nice, shady trees, the beautiful people sharing the same path, all of us sweaty and in our own world of determination.

here, as opposed to yuma, there are endless possibilities for great sushi. my favorite? aka on west alabama. their seaweed salad and bricktown roll are to die for!

then there are the less superficial things, things other than food and working out.
things like friendships made, people who've created their own little space (or big) in my heart.
Sarah (aka Weezy) was one of my best friends in houston. our nights out together usually included the above favorite sushi place and a night of drinking wine and dirty vodka martinis (my new drink of choice, other than red wine). her smile, her infectious laughter and everything about her is positive and i will miss her goodhearted nature.

then there's the family, being close to those i love most.
the little girl who makes faces identical to mine, who is silly and ridiculously smart and can always make me laugh. she is my mini-me and i'm going to miss her a million times more than her 5year old mind could fathom.




of course there are other family members i love and will miss, my dad and stepmom and my joshua. my uncle rick and aunt amy.
and then the trips home....oh the trips home. i will miss being close to corpus and my friends and family. but it was fun while i had it available. and i can't wait to settle in texas for good so that it's easier to do this.




and then there's him. a big part of the reason i came in the first place. i can't blog anymore about how much i like him, about how he's won my heart... it didn't work out that way. but he was a learning experience, a realization of what it is i really want and need. and although it was also the thought of him that has pushed me towards an assignment away from texas, i can now appreciate the experience, we learn from our mistakes.

so maybe it isn't a blog about goodbyes, but instead, see ya later. a blog about how this city made me fall in love with so many things that i haven't in previous towns. everything here is wonderful and now that i'm getting ready to move it makes me all the more ready to move back when i'm finished playing.

tornado valley

the first images that were returned on google for my next assignment in middle of nowhere, nebraska were impressive. pretty green fields, quaint farmhouses and small town churches wowed me. then came the other photos... mainly photos of tornados.
um.... yeah.




i am all for going new places and experiencing new things. i am looking forward to living in a really small town and working in a small hospital. i'm sure i'll learn a lot about working with one other nurse and a doctor and am hoping i don't hate it.
i'm excited about the drive and, this time, am going to pack light. seriously. i am leaving on the 5th, maybe the 4th.
here's to making money so i can pay off all my bills. and then maybe going to california for 3 months so i can play again. hehehe.