i used to want to tell you everything, to put it all out there for everyone to see. the good and the bad. mostly the bad to satisfy my melodramatic story telling skills. i'm not 100% sure when this changed but i went through some transformation at some point and now i just don't. i want you to know all the wonderful things, the way i want to cry sometimes because i'm so happy. i want you to know that i have met the man i am sure God created for me. i want you to know, most of all, that i have fallen in love with life. not that there was ever a time when i didn't love my life, but there were times when i was sure that the uphill struggle was part of some learning process. and that the sadness, or sometimes relief, i felt after every bad relationship was part of the journey. i see now i did it to myself.
i am working exactly the schedule that i want right now, looking to get some part time work doing home health or hospice care for a little extra vacation money. i applied for my passport yesterday so that in august my boyfriend and i can go somewhere exotic.
as for my boyfriend....can i brag a little? ;) i remember the night i saw him in the ER where i work. i looked up and there he was, across the nurses station looking directly at me. it's as if the whole world stopped for a brief second. i didn't smile at him, i just looked. i remember that night a patient of mine died and i was heartbroken for the family. one second the patient was talking with his family, laughing. we asked the family to leave the room to do a routine procedure on him and when we started his heart went into a fatal rhythm and a couple of minutes later we pronounced him dead. sometimes things like that don't get to me, that night i cried. i felt responsible for him. but it made me feel ultra-romantic, the way i get when someone dies...when i remember that life is too short and that we should take advantage of every moment. after that i walked over to the area where my at-the-time future-boyfriend was and made a flirtatious comment, smiled and walked away.
6 months later, almost, here we are. madly in love. and i just can't quit smiling.
we are silly together.
and my favorite, on easter sunday at brunch.