ouch

I thought my first night out solo was going well, granted I'd had a little bit of alcohol prior to leaving the house so my judgment may have been a bit off. I made an emergency text to my roomie early in the afternoon about an idea I had, which he told me was not a good one and that I should open the bottle of wine in the fridge and he'd be home shortly. I watched one of the only non-romantic movies I own and started on the mixed white wine I bought for moments like these. He came home and we finished the wine and the movie, my spirits lifted. His friends invited us out to dinner so we went which then turned into a night out dancing and meeting new people. It didn't feel so bad until we got in the car to go home and he told me I should download some Carrie Underwood song which reminded him of some previous love and I should have known then that love songs relating to previous heartache would ultimately end in disaster. But I found the song anyway and before you knew it the damage had been done.
Today it's the only song I want to listen to over and over. It's a pathetic attempt at wanting to hurt and heal and cry.
Damn you Randy Travis for writing such a sad song and Carrie Underwood for singing it so painfully beautiful.
ugh. *tear*

Suppose I called you up tonight and told you that I loved you
And suppose I said "I wanna come back home".
And suppose I cried and said "I think I finally learned my lesson"
And I'm tired a-spendin' all my time alone.

If I told you that I realised you're all I ever wanted
And it's killin' me to be so far away.
Would you tell me that you loved me too and would we cry together?
Or would you simply laugh at me and say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever
Would you get down on yours to and take my hand?
Would we get that old time feelin', would we laugh and talk for hours
The way we did when our love first began?

Would you tell me that you'd missed me too and that you'd been so lonely
And you waited for the day that I return.
And we'd live in love forever and that I'm your one and only
Or would you say the tables finally turned?

Would you say:

"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

"Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again".

two posts?!?

i know what you're thinking...two posts in one night?!? it's fascinating, isn't it?
well, with all my new free time i can post every day if i want. please, don't look so excited.
we should end on a funny note, not some sad-boohoo-lame-my-relationship's-over note.
here. laugh.
http://www.annietown.com/

who even blogs anymore?

I have read and re-read the emails, hoping that maybe I've skipped a word or two. I am completely unaware of the severity of this, as if I'm living in slow motion or a few days behind. Every part of me knows that this has happened except for my head...it doesn't want to join the pity party. The kleenexes have been thrown away, text messages deleted, the only real evidence are the letters. Words on a page that have decided my relationship's fate.
And I know it's for the best. I mean, I guess I know it's for the best. I once said I wanted sparkles, or fireworks...something flashy. I wasn't going to settle for anything less than extraordinary because I knew I deserved it all. The gentleman who opens doors, wants to help carry luggage, is over-the-top romantic and plans dinners and fun nights out, the good Christian man with morals who loves his parents and babies- the man of my dreams. And I had him for a brief moment. I can't say that there is one person to blame more than the other. My therapist says... (I've always wanted to say that) that maybe our personalities didn't mesh well together. Why, because we're exactly the same person? Because when we walk into rooms we want to get to know everyone and can make friends with the bathroom attendant or the doorman or the DJ/Bouncer/Waiter, etc. Maybe two personality types can't mesh. You need one outgoing and one a little less outgoing- otherwise someone's always fighting for the spotlight.
Tomorrow is a new day though. I will wake up and greet the day with an optimism that is reserved for the toughest of times. I will do yoga and read books and meditate. And I will enjoy every day I am given. And soon months will have passed by and I will look back and know I gained something from it all.
But for now I will just reread the emails.