i'm still alive: part 2

it has been too long since i've let you into my world, and for that i'm sorry. i've been busy working (i really despise 5 shifts in a row-more than that is ridiculous) and keeping up with eating right, exercising and fueling my reading habit that i've had little time for much else.
life is the same here, i'm saving up money, working with people who want to gossip and gripe about the littlest things. as i see it, this is temporary and at the end of my two more months here i go home. i find very little need to become upset about things out of my control. that's the way i am, complacent. i am satisfied with where i am, with what i'm doing that unless there is a threat involving me directly, i'm happily unaware of what's going on. let them gossip. let them be upset about scheduling, i'll work with it, it's only 2 months.
i'm going on vacation to new york in june and am looking forward to spending some time in the big city, in a regular hotel. i will take lots of pictures this time because i'm skinnier than the last time i went. well, i'm trying to lose another 10lbs but we'll see, so far every time chocolate is in my face i go a little overboard.
and i guess the biggest thing is, living in a small city makes you really appreciate smaller, big cities. lincoln and corpus are comparable in size and i have learned that i don't need a million options. a million options drives me crazy and i become overwhelmed. so i'm really looking forward to going back for a couple of months. and then from there, who knows. i'd love to say i want an apartment in austin, i want to go back to school. i want to take a class on history and one on art. i want to minor in english so i can hone my writing technique. yes, eventually i'd like to write a book.
i'd love to continue to travel, i want more than anything for 3 more months in california but i should leave well enough alone. i did it, i enjoyed it, move on. what if i go back only to find it's nothing of what i remembered and be disappointed? no, i'd rather not.
let's stay on track stephanie. corpus, austin, school. this is the way it will be....i'm hoping.

i'm still alive

i know it's been awhile but just so you know, i'm still alive.
it's tornado season here in the midwest, the warning and watches are daily now from thunder storms to you guessed it...tornadoes. i'm not enjoying it, everyday i wake up and look at the sky. i've been told it will be a shade of green/yellow i will never forget.
change subject.
work is getting busier. the crazy weather is freaking people out and they are showing up with all sorts of serious complaints from respiratory to cardiac to plain, old non-urgent stuff. it's fun when the hospital is busy for a change, it makes the time go by much faster than one patient for twelve hours. i mean, reading is fun and i love that this job has allowed me to read more, but jeez. unless i've got a book that is mesmerizing, i end up staring at the other nurses for 12 hours and that gets old fast.
change subject.
i went home to corpus for a weekend to celebrate my best friends birthday. it was nice to be there for a couple of days, the weather was hot and humid but a welcomed change from the dreary wet, cold that has been the norm in nebraska (aka ne-brisk-a).
change subject.
i'm tired. i just finished working 5 shifts. before that i was in corpus. before that i was working 4 shifts (maybe 5, i can't even remember). i need a break.
i will write more when i have rested. i just wanted to let you know i'm still here.

the good nights

these are my favorite, the nights that end in a glass of red, a good book and madeleine peyroux's voice filling the air. the nights when i'm most at ease, when i can exhale and be happy with the decisions i've made thus far.
my extension in beatrice has left me giddy at the thought of saving a little more, and the possibility of going home after this. and by home, i mean, corpus. i would like to be able to spend the last month before my sister's wedding planning and helping out, i would like to make something divine for thanksgiving dinner and not have to work at all that weekend, doing crafts with my mom and cousin, watching movies with my sister and listening to family talk. i miss our conversations. the one's about absolutely nothing and everything that leave my cheeks hurting from smiling so wide. i would like to enjoy the holidays off for once, spending the times admiring my family, who i feel i have taken for granted. traveling has been fun and quite an experience and although a part of me wants to move back to california for a little while, i think it's best if i settle down. i can vacation those places, right? all i wanted to say was that i traveled, i saw california, arizona and nebraska. and i did. i was afraid but i didn't let fear overcome me.
i am proud of all that i have done, what i have accomplished and where i have gone in the process. my goal was to pay off my bills and i'm working hard at getting that done. i will move back to corpus at the end of this contract, stay in my friend chris' apartment on the island and work when i want to to pay for my car and other expenses. maybe some weekends i'll go to the valley and work to make a little extra money (thanks Mom for the idea) and we'll see where i go from there. maybe i'll be a travel nurse but strictly for texas.
i am excited. i am ready. and most of all i can't wait to go home.

a reason for everything

so the irvine gig didn't pan out the way i'd hoped. it didn't pan out at all actually. i'm sort of bummed and sort of relieved. they wanted me to do 6 months there and i was almost sad about it. do you believe that everything happens for a reason? that someone has a plan for us beyond our knowledge? well, i'm grateful it didn't work out. i know there is something better planned for me.
better as in, probably staying in nebraska...making the big bucks. :) saving a little more, paying off a few more bills.
on a side note, while i was working out yesterday a man hit my car while it was parked in the gym lot. i watched the whole incidence from atop the treadmill, terrified of what i'd actually witnessed. i watched as he got out and surveyed the damage, still unsure if he'd actually hit it and damaged it or just scraped it.
this is where people differ from me.
i walked out almost upset that he'd gone to drive off, he stated he needed to drive around to "cool off" but i know had i not walked out he wouldn't have come back; maybe he was hoping no one noticed. all i saw was his beat up pick up, his blue collar look, i saw his hands were shaking and i could hear in his quivering voice that he felt bad. he asked if i wanted to "swap information" and for a little while i went back and forth on the matter. the damage isn't bad, a scratch that saturn can probably buff out. in my opinion it's just a car and things could have been worse.
i called the gym after leaving, and since everyone knows everyone in this tiny town i told the gym owner to go find "steve" and tell him i wasn't reporting it after all.
call me crazy or dumb, i really don't care. i can afford to get it fixed myself. steve probably only had liability on his old, beat up truck. he looked like he could barely afford the lifestyle he was living. so i let it go.
i firmly believe in karma, do something good to someone and eventually it will come back around.
yesterday wasn't a good day. i'm hoping today is a little better.