ambivalence

how could something that, at one point, made me so happy now make me unhappy? and how is it that i let something go this far without saying anything?
california is nice but texas (in my heart) is better. people are nicer, the air is warm and can sometimes choke you because it's so humid. but when you're at the grocery store or at the mall or at church or anywhere really and people smile at you...you know it's genuine.
and the boy. oh the boy....there's always something.
what can i say? my heart is already in texas, but i don't think it ever really left anyway.