Monday, September 10, 2007
i guess he could tell last night, by the way i was acting, that it was over. it was in the way he said "i'm just happy i met you, even if this doesn't work" and the way he looked at me while i sat on his couch with my arms crossed looking away. he could sense it, the reality hung it the air, the elephant in the room that neither of us was ready to discuss....it's over. being in a relationship is difficult for people, for others it's easy. i am the difficult one. and i can't tell you when it all started but i'm guessing in high school. i "talked" to boys, they got on my nerves and then i started avoiding their phone calls. i've never been really good at this. and now, 10 years later, i still suck at it. so there it was. he walked me to my car and he wanted more. he wanted to kiss me and ask my why i was different, but he didn't. his eyes were sad, his comments were sweet and i was tired. i told him i had difficulty trusting people, especially boys. i told him i was jealous and possessive and restless to which he didn't respond. we didn't break up, i'm not ready to tell him. the whole world knows i've already moved on, and although i'm sure he may too, i'm not quite ready to tell him myself.