self worth

tonight i went on a date and it could probably go down as the best date ever. let me just tell you how it went. first, i went to the salon to have my hair colored and cut. my stylist's name was Elizabeth and she was so sweet and friendly (coincidental, i think not). i was there chatting with her for an hour while i had my hair done, that's why i like to refer to my hair stylists as my hair-apist. crystal could tell you stories about the time when i went to have my hair cut and colored and told the lady doing my hair my whole life story. i'm sure she didn't care to hear it, but it felt good to get it out (i basically talk to anyone who will listen). anyhow, afterwards i took myself to see an indie flick (not made in Indiana), called 2 days in Paris and it was lovely. then i came home. there was no other person involved, i simply took myself out...and it was lovely.
on to my hair. i used to think that dying one's hair could somehow transform you into a different person. afterall, you don't necessarily look the same as you did before you colored your hair. since i was in high school (elementary if you count sun in) i've been dying my hair and i'm sure if i'm not careful, one day it will simply fall off of my head and i will be more britney-ish than i care to be. but i've realized a few things since i've been traveling and the first is: it's not so bad being yourself as long as you are true to you. i was blessed with tan skin, dark hair and dark eyes. it is what makes me me. and i've grown to love my features because they came from someone, my mom and even more than that, my family. i am not fair skinned, nor do i have light eyes or blonde hair and for that i am proud. i don't look like half of the girls in california but it's ok because i know i'm a texan girl.
secondly, with my new hue (or old, if you consider it was the color i was born with) i feel a little stronger. as if my hair has brought out a side of me that i forgot was there, the strong, independent girl who left texas to travel the U.S. with the sole intention of finding herself. and in a theater in irvine, california i realized i don't need anyone or anything to make me feel special, because i know i am. and i like my brown hair, my tan skin. i like my dark eyes and the way i laugh too loud sometimes or talk too much. i like that in the face of opposition i am still nice to californians even though sometimes it's not reciprocated. i like watching indie flicks because i know they were probably low budget films where the actors got paid little but did it anyways because they believed in the movie. i have become a little tougher without having my family or friends within hands reach to help me.
and what makes me smile is that i know i was this person all along. i come from two very strong women who back down to no one. and in seeing them i have become who i am, it's just taken me a little while to realize it.