sometimes i think that ER nursing has gotten the best of me; that i have become worn and lost my patience with people who really need help. a month or so ago i had a patient die and she had just had a baby and for some reason it didn't even faze me.
tonight i proved myself wrong as i walked away crying from a family member.
she was young, older than me, in her early thirties and pregnant. not quite ready to deliver, she was shy of her due date by a couple of weeks. she told her boyfriend she had a headache, took some tylenol and then went to lie down. they laughed before she fell asleep, about what i don't know. he made a big deal about it, "i was just laughing with her earlier", it was all he kept saying. the truth is that may be the last time he sees that smile of hers. she didn't really wake up from her nap, she woke up but something was wrong. she wasn't acting right, looking around and not speaking.
they will probably do a c-section today to save the baby. she has a massive bleed in her brain which is unoperable and she may not survive. when her parents and sister showed up i could only stay in the room for minutes at a time, they didn't know how bad it was and i could only tell them so much. but what i refused to say, what i couldn't say, was that she probably wouldn't live. it would have killed them all.
i hope i'm wrong and that she miraculously pulls through. it would be nice if she could raise her daughter with her boyfriend, but i don't think she will. and the thought of that family spending their whole day in an ICU waiting room filled with strangers, knowing their daughter may not live to see her daughter kills me.
it goes to prove that our bodies are fragile and life is not guaranteed.
to my family and friends, I love you very much and hope you have a very Happy Easter. i am hoping tonight i won't have such sad stories to re-tell.