it has becoming ridiculous now.
"him" and i went for a drink last night to the most low key bar ever. he was impressed that i knew of such a place, dark and quiet with the hint of jazz playing overhead. candles illuminated an upstairs area filled with leather couches and people making out spread randomly throughout. when we left he said he felt a little dirty, a little sleazy maybe...like he needed a shower. haha. "where did you find this place anyhow" and my answer, "um...a guy i used to date?" he just laughed, "i guess a place like this deserves to be recycled."
but in the middle of one of our conversations my hand found it's way to above his knee, it hovered. without any hesitation he grabbed my hand, softly and sweetly and kept it in his grip, the warmth of it radiating through my whole body. for a moment i was breathless, paralyzed and lost my train of thought. "continue" he said with a smile, clearly noticing my abrupt stop and, i'm sure, picking up on his ability to stop me mid-sentence.
there is an attraction there that is so intense. we could keep eye contact forever. we could talk about anything and there is no lull in our conversation and for this we are both grateful. i feel like i am losing control and my ability to stay level headed and instead can already feel the pull.
this is bad. this is very bad. but i cannot say that i am not enjoying every minute of it.