Friday, January 23, 2009


if you said something cruel to someone, how many times do you think you'd need to apologize before they would forgive you? or maybe saying sorry isn't what is going to be me back into their good graces. maybe i need a plan, the grand gesture, to prove that i can be prove that i am really a nice person.
most days i would give the stranger on the corner the shirt of my back if i knew they needed it. i would give you my last dollar or if you liked something of mine, really liked it, i may just hand it over. then there are days where i am feeling low, emotional and a tad needy. i hate these days. i hate feeling weak and dependent and i fight like hell when i start getting like this...mostly in relationships. i don't know how to just fall in love. for me, getting into a relationship in the beginning is fun... exhilirating...butterflies and fireworks. then after awhile i start realizing that my emotions are involved and start freaking out. why? where did this come from?
i don't know what to do at this point. i am afraid that i am either going to do too much and freak him out or that i won't do enough.
the truth is though, i made a mistake and have apologized and will say i am sorry again, in person when i see him. and if he decides that this is bigger than an apology and he puts an end to what we had then i have no choice but to accept it.
but just so you know...i have learned a valuable lesson from this.

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