Friday, February 22, 2008

the in between

i'm at a crossroads and there is a decision to be made: stay or go. it's hard for me, after being so travel-oriented, to change my mind-set and sign on at this hospital. it's what i want, i think, but i'm finding it challenging to grasp the concept of "for good", it's almost too hard to even type it. yikes. i love it here, houston. i love the people and the fast paced hospital and the ever growing list of things to do daily. i love the way the air is warm and humid and smells like big city.
but i miss my trips to algodones, mexico, (from when i lived in AZ) eating greasy tacos-most likely dog meat and drinking sol or cheap margaritas.i miss living in a city small enough to get anywhere in 5 minutes and the dry heat and cold dessert nights. i miss the view of the pacific from huntington beach pier and i miss people watching at laguna beach. i hated the traffic but driving on "the 5" and "the 405" amongst other californians, enjoying the ocean and the mountains and being able to say for awhile i was a part of it all is unreal. when i left corpus i just wanted to be able to say i lived somewhere else, somewhere all by myself. and now i can.
and it's time to become an adult, make a commitment to somewhere so that i can go back to school and better myself. there is an opportunity presenting itself and if i don't take it and attempt a normal lifestyle i'll get sucked back in to another travel position, somewhere different.
i am caught between wanting something steady and craving the excitment of a new place to call home. i won't leave, not yet. but the guy i'm seeing was in california for the weekend and hearing him describe the weather and the view and even the john wayne airport made me miss it all.

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